Love Letter
by Texan Red Rose
Summary: Kanaya decides to write Rose a love letter. Expect rambling. Lots of it. Rosemary.


To My Dearest Rose,

I Know This Seems Silly, Seeing As You Are Currently Seated Not But Three Feet From Me, But I Noticed The Way Your Eyes Shined While We Watched That Human Romance Movie Last Night And Decided To Write You A Long Letter To Express My Endlessly Flushed Feelings Because Of It. From What I Gathered, Citing Both The Film Last Night And Other Research Material, This Is A Long Standing Tradition In Your Society That Tapered Out Sometime Around The Advent Of The Internet. Though Outdated By Technology, I Find It Quite Nice In Sentimentality, And Have Taken Up My Pen To Undertake Such A Task. Seeing As I Do Tend To Ramble, Which I Will Try My Very Hardest To Abstain From Here, I Have No Doubt This Will Be A Lengthy Treatise, And I Will Also Endeavor To Get To The Point, As You Put It, As Often As Possible. I Have Even Studied The Various Forms Of Punctuation And Their Use In Contemporary American English, Because There's Somehow A Difference Between English In The United Kingdom And Various Other English Speaking Countries And That In America, Though I Worry That I Lack Your Elegance With The Written Word And, Thus, May Fall Short Of Expressing The True Depths Of My Affections.

That Does Not Mean I Wont Try My Hardest.

Just Now You Asked Me What I Was Doing And, Obviously, I Told You. Keeping Secrets Has Never Been A Pastime Of Mine, And Though I Would Have Preferred To Keep This A Surprise For As Long As Possible, I Probably Should Not Have Begun This Endeavor While Seated So Close To You In The First Place. Omitting My Slight Miscalculation In The Attention You Were Paying To Your Knitting, It Is Your Reaction That Is More Troubling Than My Shortsightedness. You Went Through Surprising Lengths To Assure Me I Neednt Undertake This Most Serious Task, Making Snarky Remarks About My Prejudice Against Trees In The Process.

But I Saw The Way Your Eyes Lit Up, Rose. You Tried Very Hard To Hide It, Looking Away As You Made Your Flippant Remarks, Undoubtedly Aware Of The Betrayal Of Your Own Eyes, But I Could Hear In Your Voice That The Words Were Empty, Lacking Your Usual Insincere Conviction, Which Im Pretty Sure Is An Oxymoron In Any Household Other Than Ours And Perhaps That Of The Brothers Strider. Despite The Countless Hours I Have Spent In Your Glorious Company, Your Behavior Can Still Be As Perplexing As Our First Few Conversations. Why Would You Want To Discourage Me From Something That Will Make You Happy? Is It A Habit Born From The Tense Relationship You Shared With Your Adult Human Mother Slash Lusus Analogue? Are You Afraid I Will Not Be Able To Meet Your Expectations Despite My Best Efforts? I Am Inclined To Believe The Latter Over The Former Because It Does Not Quite Ring True. I Do Not Know But My Lack Of Understanding Does Not Discourage Me In The Slightest. I Wish To Make You Happy Whether You Like It Or Not.

Oh, I Suppose That Was A Bit Harsh For A Love Letter, Wasn't It. I Did Not Mean To Imply That I Do Not Take Your Feelings Into Consideration, Rose, Merely That I Know Sometimes You Say Things You Dont Mean, Not In Your Usual Sarcasm, But To Hide Yourself Away So That The World Might Not See Whatever It Is You Wish To Conceal, Which Really Cant Be Healthy For You, You Should Try Opening Up And Trusting Others With Your Feelings, Rose.

Now It Sounds Like Im Scolding You. Perhaps This Letter Writing Business Is More Difficult Than I Originally Thought. No Matter. I Am Not One To Give Up Easily Based On A Few Mistakes. Thankfully, We Are Both Far Too Stubborn For Our Own Good. I Am Quite Thankful For That, Seeing As We Would Not Currently Be Matesprits If Either Of Us Was Prone To Forfeiting When It Comes To Our Games, And I Believe This Is Some Sort Of Game, Else You Would Not Be Sneaking Glances At Me As You Continue Knitting, As If Trying To Form A Proper Retaliatory Action While Awaiting The Initial Strike. I Would Rather This Not Become A Turn Based Exchange Of Some Sort That Requires A Victor. I Want To Simply Make You Smile And Blush, Like You Tend To Do When I Manage To Suitably Impress You.

So, To Return To The Original Purpose Of This Missive, I Believe It Is Customary To Remark At Great Length Upon Your Flawless Beauty. To Be Perfectly Frank, I Dont Find Your Beauty Flawless So Much As Riveting. On Alternia, Attraction Was Based More Upon Physical Prowess In Battle Or Overall Personality Than Aesthetic Appeal, Which Seems To Apply Inversely To Human Culture. While I Have Always Favored The Aesthetic Over The Utilitarian, I Find The Differences In Our Anatomies Fascinating Moreso Than Deserving Of A Place Upon A Ridiculous Sliding Scale Of Beauty And Feel Compelled To Explore Every Feature, From The Dimples Of Your Cheeks To The Soft Glow Of Your Pale Skin In The Sun, From The Soft Round Shell Of Your Ear To Your Blunt Crescent Shaped Fingernails, From The Delicate Shade Of Your Eyes To That Strange Little Indentation In Your Midsection I Have Glimpsed On All Too Rare Occasions. Though We Have Been In Each Others Physical Company For Nearly Four Sweeps, I Have Yet To Experience Every Peculiarity That Constitutes Your Physical Person, Learning More And More As Time Passes, Because I Spend That Time Looking For Those Infrequent Cracks In Your Defenses, Those Moments When You Lower That Obscuring Shield You Always Bear And I Can See Some Part Of You That Is Rarely On Display Or Has Never Been Before. And Yet, While It Makes Me Treasure That Which I Can See And Feel And Taste For Fear Of One Day Taking Those Little Things For Granted, I Find My Capacity To Want More Never Diminishes. I Wish To See All Of You, Every Inch, And Yet You Deny Me, Teasing Me Endlessly About Lecherous Intentions While Simultaneously Feeding That Proverbial Flame. And Dont Think I Forgot About You Throwing That Bucket At Me To Distract Me From Your Drunken Escapades On The Meteor Either, Because I Didnt, And That Was Not Fair, You Have No Idea.

Anyway, While I Find Your Anatomy Appealing From What I Have Seen, And, Because Your Brother Is A Creature Of Depraved Humor With Less Self Preservation Instincts Than Most Rocks, I Have A Disturbingly Vivid Idea Of What Is Hidden From My View- Please Note My Discomfort With What He Showed Me Rests Not In The Images Themselves But The Very Crude Manner In Which The Material Was Presented, Because Although I Do Not Watch Films With The Same Passion As Karkat Or John Or Jake, I Certainly Know The Difference Between A Movie With Romance And A Flimsy Excuse To Depict Acts Of Fantastically Unrealistic Sexual Gratification, And It Still Confuses Me How Copulation Can Occur Spontaneously Between Two Individuals Who Have Only Just Met And Have Yet To Actually Develop Feelings Towards One Another, Really, Its Just So Weird-I Have No Idea Where I Was Going With This.

In Retrospect, I Probably Should Not Have Actually Written That Last Clause And Just Thought It Instead. But, Well, I Suppose The Benefit Or Perhaps The Downfall Of Writing With Pen And Paper As Opposed To A Computer Is The Lack Of A Filter, The Inability To Edit With Ease And, Instead, Being Forced To Face The Choice Of Rewriting What Has Already Been Committed To The Paper Or Leaving It As Is And Possibly Looking A Fool. If The Purpose Of These Letters Is To Lay The Cardiovascular Organ Bare, Then I Will Gladly Play The Fool In Hopes I Might Get Lucky And Actually Convey That Which I Intend.

Getting Back On Track, Once Again, What I See When I Look At You Is Not Exactly Beauty, At Least Not By The Definition Of Your Human Social Media. I Have Learned, Though, That Standards Of Beauty Are Both Highly Publicized Ideals, Especially In This Country, And, Yet, Entirely Personal Affairs. For Instance, You Are Of Average Height But Slightly Heavier Than What Those Magazines You Hide Under The Red Notebook In Your Desk Drawer Say You Should Be. Dont Think It Has Escaped My Notice, How You Hurriedly Stow Those Annals Whenever I Enter The Room Or How Your Diet Has Changed Significantly Over The Past Few Months. I Have But One Thing To Say To The Editors Of Those Magazines: Fuck Off. Because, While I Might Watch Fashion Shows With An Earnestness You Never Fail To Notice And Tease Me For, I Reject With My Entire Being That Even One Of Them Holds A Candle To Your Radiance. And Rose, Please, Do Not Giggle And Make A Snarky Rainbow Drinker Comment To Yourself When You Read That, Its A Metaphor. I Quite Enjoy The Way Your Stomach Pokes Out Ever So Slightly From The Bones That Constitute Your Upper Body And How You Jiggle Ever So Gently When You Descend The Stairs From The Upper Story. It Is, In A Word, Entrancing. I Know You Have Caught Me Staring More Than Once And I Fear My Inability To Speak Up When I Have Been Caught Might Suggest I Am Staring Unabashedly For Other Reasons. Just As You Remark On The Curve Of My Horns Or The Length Of My Gait, I, Too, Have Watched You Grow, Though I Had The Benefit Of A Sliding Time Viewport Mechanism Thing For Some Of It, But In Recent Sweeps, I Have Watched You Grow A Little Plump, Rounder, Softer, And In Person. You Are No Longer The Girl Who Defied Many Limbed Gods And Died Several Times Over, But A Woman With A Will Forged In Fire And Tested In Darkest Night Who Also Did Those Things Because They Still Happened To You.

In Retrospect, I Realize You Were Never Unappealing To Me. I Suppose, To Some Extent, I Find It Very Difficult To See How You Could Be Too Big Or Too Small Or Too Tall Or Too Short When, To Me, You Are Perfect.

But, It Is Not Because Of Your Physical Appearance That I Say All Of This. It Is Not Those Physical Features I Speak Of That Motivate Me To Write This Letter, And How Humans Did This With Anything Close To Frequency Is Hard To Believe Given The Cramp Already Developing In My Wrist. I Have Confided In You How I Read Your Walkthrough, How I Imagined This Great And Powerful Troll, Dangerous And Dedicated And So Many Things, And I Admired You, And Imagined Meeting You. In My Minds Eye, You Were A Troll, With Candy Corn Horns And Blood That Wasnt Candy Red And Sharp Fangs. You Were Not A Mystery Hidden Beneath Fabric, Toying With Me And Teasing Me With That Robe- Yes, This Is Where I Am Trying To Write The Letter Whilst You Strut Around The Respiteblock, Or Bedroom Rather, In That Splendid Silken Robe That Matches Your Eyes Just So And Damnit Rose Do You Really Find Entertainment In Driving Me Insane, I Feel Like A Pervert Hoping The Belt Will Somehow Come Undone And Show Me A Peek And Then Ill Be Maddened By That Even Further, I Swear You Do This On Purpose Just To See How Far You Can Push Me Until I Snap Completely-

Jegus, Do I Want To Worship Your Body Like The Temple It Is.

Damn. I Should Not Have Written That. If Nothing Else, I Accomplished The Making Myself Look Like A Fool Portion Of This Endeavor Quite Thoroughly.

You Should Certainly Consider Bending Forward While Wearing That Robe More Often. The View Is Spectacular.

What Was I Saying Again?

I Should Stop Writing Every Thought That Comes To Mind. Including This One.

Fuck. It Is Becoming Increasingly Difficult to Focus And I Am Now Faced With Trying, Most Likely In Vain, To Get You Out Of That Robe Or Leaving The Room To Continue Working On This Letter.

Thank You. Ahem. I Thought You Were A Troll, As I Was Saying, And Learning You Were Not Did Little To Change My Perception Of You, Seeing As I Could Not Actually See You During Our First Conversation, Which Was Not Actually Between The Two Of Us Due To Shenanigans. But, It Was Conversing With A Being Who Clearly Was Not The Same As The One I Imagined, In Personality, That Changed My Opinion Of Rose Lalonde. Despite This Set Back, I Could Not Accept Completely That I Was Wrong About You, And Consulted John As You Well Know, And Mulled Over The Idea Of Contacting You Again. Which, Again Due To Shenanigans, Was Actually Me Contacting John A Second Time To Consider Contacting The Real You, But I Was Not Aware Of That At The Time Because Of Aforementioned Shenanigans. I Should Never Have Let Jane Talk Me Into Watching That Movie. That Word Is Simply Too Entertaining.

In Viewing You, I Thought You Fashionable, But It Did Little To Truly Improve My Views Of Your Character. It Merely Functioned As An Excuse To Try Again, To Find That Individual I Expected To Meet, To Sate The Curiosity In Me To Meet The Person Who Inspired Such Awe With Words I Found So Carefully Crafted And A Voice I Could Almost Hear In My Head. And Meet You I Did, Much To My Own Surprise And Perhaps I Was More Excited About That Surprise Than I Let On. Through The Minefield That Constitutes Our First Interactions, I Realized You Were Indeed The Individual I Imagined, If In A Slightly Different Form, And I Was Not Upset By This. Confused, Yes, But Not Repulsed Or Put Off In Any Way.

You Are Great And Powerful, Dangerous And Dedicated, And So Many More Things Than Past Me Could Have Imagined. You Are Snarky And Witty And Cultured And Petty And Profound, All At Once Many Sweeps Your Senior And A Silly Child At Heart. You Are Reserved In Your Expressions And Passionate In Your Words. And Yet, Your Smirks Are Expressive, Your Words Cryptic, Your Moods Subtle, And With Every Passing Perigee, I Find Myself Further Entranced By These Aspects, Those Which Are Familiar To Me In Concept, If Not Exact Style, And Those Which Are Completely Alien. You Are Frustrating, Maddening, Deviously Chaste While Always Playing The Seductive Flirt. With A Look, You Could Bring My Blood To Boil Or Put Me At Ease. Within Me, You Awaken A Powerful Hunger, A Roaring Flame, And A Gentle Tenderness, A Quiet Tranquility, And All With Just The Raise Of Your Brow, The Twist Of Your Lips, Or The Touch Of Your Hand.

Right Now You Are Displaying Such Duality, Having Teased Me In Your Robe And, After Retreating To The Ablution Chamber To Change Into Clothes I Know You Deliberately Failed To Gather Prior To Your Hygiene Ritual Just To Taunt Me, Returned Clothed In Simple Cotton Pajamas, Crawling Into Bed Beside Me To Read Your Book. I Want To Reach Over And Touch You, And I Dont Know If I Would Gently Pull You Into My Arms And Hold You Or Bring Your Lips To Mine And Devour You. Though I Feel This Need Itching Just Beneath My Thick Skin, I Dont Think Either Would Be Welcomed, So I Refrain. Instead, I Watch You From The Corner Of My Eye, The Steady Rise And Fall Of Your Unbound Chest, Which Fills Me With Glee When I Remember Convincing You Not To Wear Those Silly Under Garments To Bed, And The Intensity Of Your Gaze As You Focus On The Page.

And Please, Rose, Do Not Mistake This As A Passive Aggressive Bid For Your Physical Affections. For One Thing, I Am A Rainbow Drinker, Lest You Forgot, And I Would Be, Can Be, And On More Than One Occasion Have Been, Inclined To Drop The Passive From That Course Of Action Entirely And Attempt Pursuing You In A Much More Lascivious Manner. For Another Thing, Though I Yearn To Trace Every Inch Of Your Skin And Memorize The Constellations Painted Across Your Body, I Am Content With Your Kiss In The Morning When I Wake You For Breakfast And I Relish Your Arm Draped Across My Shoulder While We Watch The Television Or Your Fingers Dancing Between My Horns As You Play Idly With My Hair. Yes, I Want You, More Of You, All Of You, But Not Because I Desire Physical Gratification. Specifically, I Desire Your Physical Attentions Because They Come From You. Gladly I Will Accept Your Smile And Never Consider The Embrace Of Another, And I Am At Once Thankful And A Little Homesick for Alternia. Had We Lived There, Had The Stars Saw Fit To Grace Me With Your Presence, Had You Been Hatched A Troll, I Would Be Worried For The Lack Of Physical Intimacy Between Us, Constantly Agonizing On What I Could Do To Spare Us A Painful Death At The Hands Of The Drones. Yet, I Would Be Equally Compelled To Stand In Defiance Of Her Imperious Condescension, Offer Up My Empty Bucket With Pride, And Cling To You Just Before Fighting For What We Have, Because I Would Rather You Occupy My Flushed Quadrant And Have Nothing But Your Chaste Affections To Show For It, Your Morning Kiss And Your Embrace, Than All The Buckets In The Universe.

But I Would Be Lying By Omission If I Failed To Mention That Sometimes I Truly Worry I Am Doing Something Wrong Or If, In Some Way I Have Missed Over The Sweeps, I Am Not What You Want In A Partner. Admittedly, My Understand Of Human Romance Is Pedestrian At Best, As The Idea Of A Single Partner Baffles Me On A Fundamental Level To Some Extent, But I Am Never Quite Sure If I Am Truly Who You Desire To Fill That Position Or If You Are Simply Too Kind To Move On To Find Your Own Happiness. It Terrifies Me, The Idea Of Losing You To Another, But The Pain Of Loss Pales In Comparison To The Suggestion That, Maybe, You Stay By My Side For My Sake And Not Your Own. I Have Thought About It Before, When Karkat Brought Up His Shipping Chart, His Master Plan To Continue The Human Race, Before We Learned The True Mechanics Of The Game, Before It Became Apparent That You Would Not Need To Repopulate Your Planet For Humans To Thrive Once More. I Remember Arguing With Karkat, Not To Claim You As Mine, To Defend My Own Wishes To Become Your Romantic Partner, But Explaining To Him That You Would Do Whatever Made You Happiest And That Was That. If It Included You Choosing John, Then I Would Be Happy For You. Here, On This Planet Filled With So Many Humans, So Many Shapes And Colors And Sizes, Minute Differences I Could Hardly Parse If Given Hours To Examine And Sift Through, Accompanied By The Blatant Differences One Could Observe At A Glance, I Find Myself Worrying Sometimes That I Can Never Be Who You Desire.

I Will Never Have A Flat Head Devoid Of Horns, Nor Be Without Fangs Designed To Puncture Flesh, Nor Leave Behind My Thirst For Blood, And I Will Always Have Thick Skin, Sharp Claws, And Yellow Around The Jade Of My Eyes. My Affections For You Started Well Beneath The Surface Of Your Skin And Has Grown Outward Ever Since, Reinforced By All The Things That Set You Apart From Every Other Being On This Planet, And Any Other For That Matter. Sometimes, I Wonder If You See Me The Same Way Or If You Keep Your Distance, Keep Part Of Yourself Guarded, Hidden Away, Because Some Part Of You Can Never Accept Me-

I Dont Think It Is Proper To Accuse Your Partner Of Insincerity In A Love Letter.

Shit.

I Am Truly Horrible At This. But I Already Told You I Was Writing This, So Its Not Like I Can Burn It And Pretend It Didnt Happen. Which I Have Considered To Be Honest. I Have Spent Two Days Now Writing This And I Am Not Sure If I Am Expressing Anything Other Than My Constant Concerns. I Wonder, Does Seeing Me Write This Is Affect You On Some Level. I Believe It Does, Seeing As You Just Kissed Me On The Cheek For No Apparent Reason As You Passed Through The Living Room And To The Nourishmentblock. I Mean Kitchen. Usually Coaxing Such Displays Of Affection From You Is Difficult So I Must Admit I Am Pleasantly Surprised. Of Course, This Does Little To Assuage My Fears That This Letter Will Not Meet Your Expectations, But If There Is One Thing I Have Learned Over The Sweeps Spent In Your Company, It Is That The Effort Is Appreciated.

Except When It Comes To Dave's Irony, Dirk's Smuppets, Or Roxy's Fanfiction, For Some Reason. Though That Last One Is Only Applicable In Certain Situations And The First Is Only After A Long Day When You Have Had Enough Of Your Pretentious Classmates And Their Own Misguided Beliefs.

Speaking Of Your Brother, Actually, You Will Be Visiting Him Soon, Halfway Across The Country. Ill Admit I Am Saddened That I Cannot Come With You. Its Always So Difficult When Youre Gone. Inspiration Is Fleeting, The Hive Is Too Quiet For Comfort, And I Swear My Sense Of Color Dulls Whenever You Are Away.

Sometimes, It Hurts, A Powerful Sensation More Excruciating Than The Blast That Killed Me. Like When You Went To Visit Jade's Island The Same Week I Was To Meet With The Other Trolls For Our Alternian Remembrance Day Slash Corpse Party That Did Not Actually Include A Corpse. I Realize You Need Your Time Away, From The Hive And School And The Like, But It Was Impossible To Do Much Of Anything While You Were Gone. It Was Even More Difficult Not To Embarrass Myself When You Returned. I Wanted Nothing More Than To Hold You And Never Let You Go, Kiss You For Hours And Run My Hands Through Your Hair Continuously, Again And Again. I Didnt, Of Course, Because I Know You Wouldnt Have Appreciated It And Taken The Actions To Mean Something I Never Intend. It Seems Most Times I Express An Appreciation For You, You Take My Actions As Purely Physical In Nature And Meaning, Disregarding The Emotion That Drives Those Actions.

Which Probably Means Youll Take This Letter Not The Way I Intended, Given The Amount Of Words I Have Dedicated To Expressing My Desires. Still, Every Word Is True, And While I Will Most Likely Be A Train Wreck Until You Read This For Fear Of Your Reaction, I Am Certain There Can Be No Ill Effects From Writing This. It May Motivate You To Leave And Pursue Your Happiness Elsewhere With Another, Perhaps A Human Or Another Troll, And While It Causes Me Severe Emotional Agony To Imagine Such An Event, It Would Be For The Best.

And, Again, I Hold Out Hope That Somehow, Ill Manage To Do Something Right, And Youll Walk Up And Kiss My Lips With No Prompting, No Snide Remarks, No Teasing, And No Alcohol Involved.

Have I Mentioned How Absolutely Thrilled I Am You Quit Drinking Those Obnoxious Soporifics? I Am Quite Sure Ive Expressed The Sentiment Several Times Aloud But Never In Words, Written Or Text. It Was Never The Quantity I Minded, Though I Noticed The Direct Correlation Between The Amount You Drank And Your Resulting Shift In Priorities, It Was The Frequency. Ill Admit I Somewhat Miss Your Drunken Shenanigans, And Ill Even Confess Some Selfish Regret Considering You Were More, Shall We Say, Hands On, And By That I Mean Overtly Affectionate While Still Playing The Tease As I Have Already Discussed, While Under The Influence Of Those Beverages. But, Again, The Rose You Became During Those Times Was Not The Rose I Flushed Scarlet For, The Rose I Loved. I Started Hating Myself A Little, And Not The Spades Sort, Stop That, But In The Regular, Self Loathing Way, Because I Never Turned Away From Your Touch, Drunk Or Sober. I Never Turned Down An Offer To Feed, Because I Always Enjoy Your Proximity, The Intimacy Implied By Such An Act, And Though I Hated The Sour Taste In My Mouth, The Way You Fell Asleep, Curled Up Next To Me. I Liked It. But It Sometimes Felt Like Infidelity, Because In My Head, There Was The Real You And Then There Was Drunk You, And While I Preferred One Over The Other, I Liked Them Both.

Because It Was Still You And I Will Gladly Take You In Whatever Form I Am Allotted. And It Scares Me, To Feel So Strongly, To Want So Much And Be Glad For Whatever I Have.

Trolls Have A Natural Proclivity To Never Be Satisfied With Anything Less Than What Is Expected. I Dont Think I Ever Told You About The Lives Of Jade Bloods, The Life I Was Never Destined To Lead. The Brooding Caverns Are Never Dull And It Is Difficult To Maintain Long Standing Relationships Due To The Demands Of Our Caste. Jade Bloods Are Rare For This Very Reason, Seeing As The Drones Would Come Far Less Frequently, Perhaps Every Five Sweeps Or So, Than For The Rest Of The Population And Still Came Away Bloody Handed. Porrims Life, Or Rather Unlife, Or Dream Bubble Existence, Or Whatever, Was Actually A Lot Closer To What My Life Would Have Been Had Sburb Never Happened, Which Would Have Been Fundamentally Impossible Given The Scratch Of Her Session Gave Birth To Mine, What With Her Constant Changing Of Partners And Long Stretches Of Celibacy In Between. Long Being Relative, Of Course, Because Time Is Not My Thing.

Its Weird For Me, In A Way I Cant Explain, To Have Only You And To Only Want You. Porrim And I Have Talked Many Times About Her Quadrants And Mine, Compared Our Upbringing And How It Shaped Us. She Says That, Even When She Tries Not To, It Is Difficult For Her To Enter A Concupiscent Relationship Without Already Thinking About The Next One To Replace It. For Her, It Is A Constant Search, A Never Ending Journey. For Me, It Is Not. I Have Not Been Inclined To Find A Pitched Partner And I Doubt I Ever Will. I Am Not Inclined To Leave You, This Should Be Fairly Apparent By Now, Though There Is The Little Voice Of Uncertainty That Wonders If I Should, If That Would Make You Happy.

She Has Asked Me Numerous Times Why I Stay In A Fruitless Flushed Relationship. She Likes You But She Cannot Understand What I Feel. Oddly Enough, Karkat Is The Only One Who Really Gets It. I Always Thought Those Romcoms He Loves So Much Were Building His Expectations To Unimaginable Heights But I Was Wrong. They Taught Him The Best Things About Love. And The Cheesiest Things, But We Can Just Ignore That For Now. His Study Of Human Romance Has Led To Some In Depth Discussions As Well, And He Assures Me Constantly That Im Not Screwing Up Horribly Yet, That You Just Need Some Time.

I Suppose That Is True, And I Am More Than Willing To Wait. Really, What Matter Is A Handful Of Sweeps To The Undead, Or The Godly. Like An Intricate Length Of Lace, Some Things Simply Cannot Be Rushed.

Now I Feel Even More Foolish For Spending So Much Of This Letter Scrawling My Concerns Only To Reaffirm What I Knew All Along, Which Of Course Is That I Truly Care For You More Than Any Amount Of Words Will Ever Be Able To Express And Greater Than My Ability To Articulate Them.

Yes, Some Part Of Me Will Always Be Troll, And I Will Always Have The Deep Rooted Desire To Fill A Pail With You Rose. But That Is A Biological Impossibility. And I Dont Care. I Would Not Trade You For The World, Any Amount Of A Monetary Sum, Or Whatever Else Could Be Dreamed Up In This Or Any Other Reality Or Timeline.

In Short, I Do Not Find Your Beauty Flawless But I Do Find Your Flaws Beautiful. I Will Love You As Long As You Allow Me And I Will Treasure Every Tiny Piece Of Yourself You Deem Me Fit To See. Perhaps Most Importantly, I Will Forever Be, In Whatever Way You Wish Me To Be,

Truly Yours,

Kanaya

P.S. I Was Planning On Giving This To You When We Parted Ways At The Airport, That You Might Be Able To Read It And Decide How You Felt While Away. Part Of That Is Cowardice On My Part, Fearing Your Reaction, Which Is Why I Didnt Give It To You Before You Left. I Will Do So When You Return And I Will Wait For Whatever Your Reaction Might Be. I Love You Rose.

Author's Note: If you're interested in seeing this formatted with Kanaya's colored text, it's posted over on AO3. Otherwise, hope you enjoyed.


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